Friday, May 23, 2008

Consider a boy

We go to China
For a child
A daughter, people assume

We are deeply disturbed at the vastness of girls

We love each of these girls
Even as we are grateful to adopt just one
And we are proud to teach them about
Girl power

We want to right the balance
We want our girls to know they are not a second choice
We want to raise them to be powerful

And many of us believe
That boys in China are Little Emperors
Loved beyond belief

Many are.

And yet
Should you have the great privilege of visiting an orphanage
You will see boys
And not just a few

Many, many boys
Who perhaps were a second child
But, in all sad reality,
Were probably abandoned because of some special need

Cleft lip, cleft palate
Heart disease
Club feet or vision problems
Issues that, in the states,
Are treatable or at least manageable
Issues that, in the states,
Would not define them or their lives

And they wait.
They wait for a home
A family
A chance.

Maybe you weren't thinking of
A boy
Maybe you weren't thinking
Special needs

Maybe you were envisioning
Your fairy tale
And you should never apologize
For that

We all have our fairy tale
We all have our vision
We all have our dreams

But so do these children
Be they girls, abdicated to a less than status
By the power of culture and tradition
Be they boys, left to live in an orphanage
Left without the same opportunities
As their parented peers

When I first dreamed of parenthood
It wasn't to an adopted child
I dreamed of pregnancy
Of womanhood
Of giving life

I grieved the loss of that first dream
And yet
The second dream was not
Second best.

Instead of giving birth to a child
I gave birth
To me.

I became a mother
When I began to love
I became a mother
When I began to whisper sweet goodbyes
To the dreams that seemed important
So I could listen to the dreams
That would not wait.

So today,I ask you to consider a boy
Consider a special need
Consider that you might be
More than you ever thought

We adopted our daughter
As a non-special-needs child
And her needs have turned out to be vast
And global
And tiring
And rewarding

We adopted through the traditional program
Because we couldn't handle special needs
Luckily, God knew better

And now,
The couple who couldn't handle special needs
Has become a family who, through God's grace, can handle
Whatever comes its way.

Including a boy.
A boy with special needs
Who has captured our hearts,
Intrigued our minds,
And blessed our days already.

And so I ask you again,
Consider a boy.
Consider that you might be
More than what you ever thought.

Just consider.


Mike & Ramona said...

This is beautiful. What a wonderful message!

Laurie McLean said...

God Speed! I am praying for you guys every day! May your time in China be a great blessing for you all! I'm so glad you guys said "Yes!" to little Addison! Laurie

Patricia/NYC said...

Beautiful, Melissa, just beautiful!!

Praying for you as you begin your physical journey to Addison...praying for Kate as she awaits her brother.

Love & Hugs,
Patricia, Frank & Kiara

Karen M said...


What a way you have with words! That was so touching...

Thinking of you as you make your way across the globe to your son.

Love, Karen

Anonymous said...

Numorous times I have said, "you have a silver tongue." I was should be platinum. I am proud that you have let me be a part of your lives. Thank you.

Stefanie said...

Beautifully said. From the mama of soon-to-be two precious sons from China, thank you for encouraging others to consider a boy :)