Today we took a long drive to see Hanguoshu Waterfall and the bonsai park surrounding it. It was a nice chance to relax in the car, take in the scenery and learn about the many minority cultures in Guizhou. We were able to video many of our guide's "lessons" about Guizhou, to save for Addison and to enjoy ourselves.
Our guide, Richard, has such a heart for children and for China. It is clear that he has a mission to make China better for people, especially for children. He is not blind to the problems his country faces, and we discussed these at great length, but he's also very proud of the rich heritage in this country.
Addison continues to do well, although bedtime is a bit of an issue. It seems his biggest fears come out at this time, but he's falling asleep without his pacifier (woo hoo!) and only waking once in the night, briefly. He will also periodically put on his backpack and request help to put on his shoes so he can go home. He'll ask about 8-10 times per day to go home and I tell him, "I am mama. This is papa. We love you." He's not amused by this, but quite honestly, I wouldn't be either. I'm actually quite pleased that he hasn't been an instant cuddle-bug because something just doesn't ring true to that, you know? It makes sense that he's hesitant, although he does seem to like us. He just doesn't trust us yet. No worries, we've got a long time to develop that because we are his forever family.
Things we have learned about Addison in the past few days: 1. He doesn't like to be barefoot. 2. He doesn't like his hands wet or dirty. (No worries, I can handle sensory issues. We've already started working on them!) 3. He loves "Automan" - some cartoon character that he apparently watched all the time. 4. He loves cars, splashing his feet square in the middle of a puddle, and gymnastics. 5. He likes peanut butter, but not crackers. He sucks the peanut butter off the cracker and then gives the soggy cracker to me. Thanks, buddy! 6. When he's about to do something he thinks he shouldn't, he turns to look at one of us and then gives us THE CUTEST SMILE, then proceeds with his plan of action. 7. He loves to mimic and repeat, although his articulation is very poor. I'm sure speech therapy will be in our future, but I'm not worried about this as his possible issues are nothing like Kate's major speech issues. 8. He snores when he sleeps. 9. He has an infectious laugh. 10. He gets stressed out when around a lot of children and starts acting out (pinching ears, hitting, etc.). I'm not sure where this comes from, but I think once he starts feeling safe and trusting us, this will improve.
THE STREETS OF GUIYANG
More later. Tomorrow we're visiting a Chinese Training School, which focuses on performing arts and learning English. Should be fun!
Oh, what a fun day! We went to Qianling Park and saw so many monkeys - which freaked Scott out a bit. If you had a banana in your hand, a monkey would come up and take it from you. If you were around several monkeys, they would fight for that one banana. I will say that it was a bit intimidating in sections, but so fun nevertheless. The monkeys also enjoyed nuts, any fruits, candy, and -- as you can see in the slideshow -- bottled water.
There were also people dancing to American music from about 15 years ago (think Chinese line dancing), as well as ballroom dancing. We asked our awesome guide, Richard, if this was a special day. He said, "Special day? No, no. Everyday there is dancing, exercise, badminton, walking, filling up water jugs with spring water." He also told us how people would buy animals from pet stores (fish, turtles) and bring them up to the temple area of the park and release them - an act of kindness to increase their karma. As always, the people were so genuinely delightful.
We've gotten many stares and some questions, but all positive. They ask about Addison's eye and are happy to hear he's going to America for help for it. Many have complimented him on his flat head (in the back, exactly like his sister), as it is a sign of high intelligence in China. You know, in China, everything is a "sign" of something.
Addison is doing so well! He clearly misses his foster family and still says at various times that he wants to go home, but doesn't seem to hold it against us. He looks at the photo album of his foster family and then seems to withdraw into himself a little more. He comes back out again, though, and is extremely playful. He ADORES Scott and follows him around like a shadow. He's taken to me just fine, too, but I'm not the rock star that Scott is. Noooo; instead, I'm the one whose hand he'll grab at breakfast to spit out whatever food he decided he doesn't like. On the upside, he prefers Scott to take him to the bathroom. Fine with me. He can poop with the best of them, let me tell ya! We haven't heard the morning toots, Caroline, but he can belch like Wisconsin beer drinker. :-)
We miss Kate so much, but are happy to know she's doing well. I'm also glad that she's given Aunt Cindy and Uncle Russ some dirty looks -- I would be afraid that clone took her place otherwise. LOL
Kate,
You were especially on our minds today as we saw the monkeys. Kate, you would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that park, except I'm afraid that you would run right towards those screeching monkeys not thinking about your safety. You're kind of like mama that way. Papa and our guide both kept saying, "that's close enough." But the monkeys were mostly nice and you could actually feed them with your hands. You and your brother are going to get along great, but don't try to take his backpack. His backpack to him is like your books are to you. He doesn't go ANYWHERE without it. I think if you agree to leave his backpack alone (and his Automan toy), he'll probably be fine with leaving your books alone. Something you both like is candy. He LOVES candy, although we haven't been giving him much. I think we'll have a cake when we get back, okay? We'll celebrate didi's belated birthday and let him blow out a candle and then, in a few weeks, we'll have another cake for you. Two cakes is better than one, right? Would you like to have cake with your brother?
We love you so much and miss you. At night when we say our prayers, we send you kisses from across the world. We hope you are feeling them and smiling. Give big love to everyone, and hug Aunt Cindy first. Papa and I miss you and love you. Ask Aunt Cindy to read "Crazy Cakes" to you for me and make sure she kisses your hand when you get to the right page. I can't wait to hold you and sing songs with you. Blow me a kiss and know that I'm blowing one to you.
The most important part of today's agenda was visiting the Guiyang Children's Welfare Institute. Although Addison spent very little time here (9 days, we have found out), he came here regularly for medical check-ups or other required paperwork.
Visiting an orphanage is a leveling experience. This is the second one I've visited and both have been good facilities and programs filled with loving caretakers, but both are still orphanages. They are both filled with children who do not know what it means to have a family of their own.
Our first stop in the orphanage was to see the facilities of a new program between Guiyang Children's Welfare Institute (CWI) and the charity, Love Without Boundaries. What they have done is create something in-between foster care and orphanage care. There are / will be eight on-site foster families, comprised of a married couple and four special needs children. Two - three of the children sleep in one room (see pic of bunk beds), and the other(s) sleeps in a room next to the foster family. There are glass partitions halfway up the walls, so everyone is in one big room, in a way. There's also a tiny kitchen and sitting area, and a shower / bathroom. When the foster families go to work, the children either go to school or to the orphanage for the day.
I was able to meet many children. I sang to a baby who was in a room alone, bundled in blankets. The baby had a large red mark and swelling on her face covering her right eye to the point where she couldn't use that eye. She seemed happy when I came in and talked to her, then cried when I started to leave. I held her hand and sang three songs while she smiled before the orphanage director said we had to move along. Our next stop was a special needs room.
The special needs room had 14 lovely children playing. I was able to hug and talk to each child. Each child absolutely loved the attention. There were two nannies in the room. The children had a variety of special needs, although it seemed that all had cognitive developmental delays and some had additional issues. They were charming children who hugged me, gave me high-fives or, for those whose physical impairments prohibited them from doing such things, I got long pieces of eye contact and as much of a smile as they could manage. These kids really blessed my day with their beauty.
Our final stop was to the playroom which seemed to have a couple of kids with some special needs, although most just had the great need of a family. To say we were descended upon by the children is almost an understatement, they were so happy to see someone new. They spoke to me in Mandarin, said "hello" in English and spoke the universal language of smiles and hugs.
Several of the children clung to me, but one captured and broke my heart. She must have been about 6 or 7 years old. She took my face in her hands and just looked at me with sad eyes. Then she wrapped her arms around my neck and nuzzled her head in. She sat on my lap and just wanted to stay with me. I wanted the exact same thing.
Addison! Addison is doing so well. We are getting lots of smiles, hand-holding and playfulness. He has an excellent appetite and enjoys a wide variety of foods, from tofu to tomatoes to noodles to fruit. We were also able to visit his "finding spot," the Guiyang Hospital, which tells us his birth mother (parents?) probably cared very much for his well-being, as they left him somewhere known for care and nurturing.
The Streets of Guiyang - Photos from our afternoon walk
Guiyang is a paradox. Although extremely poor, there is a graciousness and joy in the people that is contagious. Although fairly dirty, there is a pride in maintaining its beauty. People are out, sweeping the streets and wiping down their cars. There are many babies strapped to their mothers here, people working very hard carrying items in baskets (like a taxi service for your shopping items), others are doing construction or cooking in somewhat questionable storefront restaurants. There are many minority cultures here, of which we suspect Addison is a member. Our guide has spent a lot of time talking to us about the minority cultures, especially the Miao (or, the Hamong as they call themselves). Guiyang seems to take great pride in its diversity and we have not once felt out of place, although we are the only white people we have seen. We are a curiousity and are stared at, but with smiles and genuine interest. They have examined Addison by crouching down and looking at his eyes, seemingly debating whether he had another eye or not, touching the flatness of the back of his head, stroking his face and blessing him. Although no one really speaks English, our 2+ hour adventure (without a guide) was no problem at all. Guiyang is heartfelt in its motto that the "Han majority and all the minorities welcome all guests from every direction."
Our Dinner Scott ate Spicy Steamed Frog Legs with yellow chilis, Whole Shrimp (shells and all) with dried red chilis, Barbecued Meat Combo of Duck, Chicken, Beef and Bacon-wrapped Chinese sausage. Melissa ate Steamed Local Blue Crab, Mushroom Stem Salad, Sushi, Sashimi including salmon and octopus. Addison ate Grilled Salmon (cooked and the sashimi), Veggies galore, rice, sauteed Chinese mushrooms, and chocolate-dipped watermelon bites (which he LOVED). We did not eat at any of the storefront restaurants, as our adventurousness does not include food poisoning.... Our dinner was at the hotel. :-)
What a great day! For a little boy facing so many changes, there were only a few meltdowns. Periodically, JunJun (aka, Addison) would put on his backpack and say over and over in Mandarin, "I want to go home." Heartbreaking. On the plus side, though, by the end of the day, he began to let me comfort him by rubbing the back of his head and back. It didn't make him stop crying, but he was much calmer. I think he's doing fantastic.
We spent the day doing paperwork, as you can see in some of the photos. We went to the notary and the police station, which was very interesting. I asked if we could take a photo of the police man who was doing Addison's paperwork and got a big N-O.
We spent the afternoon at Super Walmart (yes, I said Walmart) getting a few necessities and then we hung out around the hotel while our guide took care of more paperwork. We were all a bit tired, so this was just fine. (By the way, a Walmart in China is not exactly the same as a Walmart in America. For example, last I checked, ours doesn't have a "spicy stand" with fresh food such as chicken feet, pigs feet, tofu and curd, etc. Much of it looked a bit, well... icky, but it smelled great. Also, you don't see large packages of anything like you see at home, but this makes sense as many apartments are about 400 - 500 square feet and might have a husband, wife, child and grandparents.)
Addison loves bathtime, although he was very unsure at first -- not wanting to even sit down all the way. When I poured water over his head to rinse the shampoo (which his foster mother said he didn't mine), I was convinced he had not completely experienced this before. He did not care for it at first, but by the end of bath time was dumping water over his head himself. :)
We heard his first two English words today: "Tigger" and "Car" All boy!
Other great news: He hasn't had the pacifier in 24 hours and we replaced the violent Kung Fu show with Winnie the Pooh. We didn't show him any tv in the morning and he did not have a meltdown. In the afternoon, we watched Winnie the Pooh together and he laughed (see pic of him with an open mouth of french fries - he was laughing hard) and laughed. Ironically, he laughs at he parts that upset Kate - when things crash, spill, when characters fall from a tree, etc. Should be interesting to see them together.
What Addison loves: 1. Cars - we bought him some little plastic cars at Walmart and he was thrilled for hours. He even took his cars to bed with him. 2. Sweets - foster mother gave him chewy, hard chocolate candies on a regular basis and his teeth show it. I think yesterday was the first time he's experienced a toothbrush -- I only got one swipe, but we'll get there. 3. Climbing 4. His backpack - this seems to be his comfort item right now. 5. Forks - we gave him on for the first time and he LOVES using it and is quite proficient. He uses it for EVERYTHING. 6. French fries, rice, watermelon. 7. His new papa - in the pic of him laying on Scott's chest, he initiate that. So very, very sweet.
Interesting details about our boy: 1. He's got some funky feet. Anyone ever seen something like this? I wonder if it will be something that requires surgery.... 2. His head is flat in the back like Kate's -- it must be a Southern China thing.
Thank you SO MUCH for your comments, emails and prayers. We were pretty nervous about this new adventure and felt / feel your love from across the globe.
Thank you Cindy and Russ for taking care of our baby girl -- the pictures and stories made our day. Scott and I think you need to start being a little mean to her or she's not going to want to come home!
To see pics and stories of Kate, go to http://www.home.earthlink.net/~kateathome. And many, many thanks to our parents who helped make this possible. You've got a grandson you are going to adore -- although get ready to say "No, please don't climb on that" or "We don't hit when we don't get our way." His winning smile is worth it all, though.
Scroll down later for a post about our first day in China. I'll be adding it. I've included a few pics especially for Viera High School - included a jade hawk that I think is out of our budget and a "squatty potty" that I've told my students about. They're not as bad as they look.
And for those of you anxiously awaiting some pearls of wisdom from Scott, be sure to stay tuned for "The Beer Post." We'll also be adding photos and stories about Guiyang - a place we love for its character and quirkiness, not to mention the makeshift barber shop and open storefront dentistry.
We will be adding to this post, but internet is slow and we just now got access to it. Check back for the entire post.
For now, just know that all is well. Our boy is stubborn, sly, funny, potty-trained, well-loved and very, very spoiled. We were told by his foster family that we must show him tv "in the morning and in the night or he will cry loudly." Also, they said that "he can share for a little while, but then will hit to get his toys back." The family also told me that he would not nap. I have him in his crib now, so we'll see what happens. One thing is sure - We have a bit of "taming" to do in the next two weeks.
He is very, very sweet though -- and all boy. As soon as we gave him a car, he was delighted. He likes to run around, play with cars, watch kung fu shows, and play rough. He's tender, though, too. I've gotten several kisses and a few hugs. Very sweet!
Here's how we met Addison ShenJun:
Our flight was late getting into Guiyang. When we met our guide, Richard, we were sweaty and tired, not to mention nervous and excited. He said, "Your little boy and the foster family and the orphanage worker are in the hotel lobby waiting." We then drove 30 minutes to the hotel. I saw the foster mother first, and she and I hugged and cried. There's so much more to tell here, but we're wiped out.
Most importantly, our boy is with us and he came from a very loving home. He was adored by this family and we have their address so we can keep in touch with them. They are a Christian family -- a point they emphatically wanted me to know -- and were glad to hear that we are active in a church and that people were praying for him at the very moment we were meeting and talking.
It was a difficult and beautiful night. We are blessed by two wonderful children.
We made it to Beijing safe and sound – and with minimal jet lag. Melissa stayed up the night before the trip and was able to sleep for several hours on the plane. Scott, as usual, didn’t sleep much – and didn’t need to.
After arriving we checked into the hotel and then headed out to the Forbidden City and Tiannemen Square. Our original plan was to see the Temple of Heaven, but we were pressed for time by the time we got through immigration and baggage claim at the airport.
Our guide, Jenny, met us at the airport and explained different parts of Tianneman Square. She explained why it was such an important place for the Chinese – Chairman Mao’s Mausoleum is there and people wait in line to see his body and leave him flowers.
There is a monument honoring the people from 1848 – 1949 who helped make China great. The monument was commissioned by the Chairman following Mao, whose name I can’t remember, but who helped protect as many works by the artists, writers and thinkers during the Cultural Revolution as he could. The Chinese revere him for all he did to protect their heritage.
Jenny was surprised at how many Americans wanted to see Tiannemen Square and wondered why it was important to them. When I told her that many are interested because of the students that were massacred there in 1989, she was surprised. She said that was a very dark time for China, very sad, and got a wistful look on her face. Jenny is around my age, so many of the people who died would be the same.
We had a nice conversation about children being adopted and she expressed her hope that more children would find families. She has a two-year-old boy whose name (or nickname?) is LaiLai (no idea if I’m spelling that correctly) – it means “happy.” When I told Jenny of the families I know who have adopted several children from China, she was astonished and said that “one child is exhausting.” Then she also said, “very good people they are – they bless China.” Very sweet.
After coming back to the hotel, Scott decided to go find some “to go” food from a local restaurant. Jet lag was hitting me at that point – I felt like I was still on the plane, or on a very rocky boat, blech – he came back an hour later with beer and soda – and a very interesting tale on his inability to express “to go” to the Chinese. It sounds like he was quite the sight, as several girls were surrounding him trying to help him but then turning to each other and laughing, hands in front of their mouths trying not to appear rude. I’m not sure if he ever ate. I had an Ambien for dinner and slipped into dreamland.
We’re headed to the breakfast bar this morning and then to the Great Wall. We’ll definitely get our exercise.
14 hours until Addison! Woo Hoo – the fears and worries have disappeared (for now). I just can’t wait to see our precious boy! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 4:00 pm We are sitting in Beijing International Airport – a lovely place that spares no expense on architecture – it uses the money it doesn’t use on air conditioning to pay for its loveliness. It’s HOT in here!
Scott and I visited the Great Wall, but didn’t make it to the top. Between the ninety degree weather and the steps that ranged from 12 inches tall to 30 inches tall, well – we made it to where we had a good view and decided it was good enough. We were brought to shame by some of the other climbers: a woman in heels, an elderly woman who was at least 80 and a father carrying his little girl. The sign at the bottom says something along the lines of “If you climb to the top, you are a true hero.” Of course you can also buy a carved metal plate that says you made it to the top, so I think we get credit for ‘fessing up. There’s something a bit heroic about telling the truth, I think. :)
We then went to a government-run store, “The Friendship Store,” and was able to see how Cloissoine is made. I’ve never been a fan of Cloissoine, but watching the women work made me truly appreciate the painstaking effort to detail it takes. As we then walked around the store, four salespeople followed us and kept telling us about each item. We were the only ones in the store, so it was a bit uncomfortable.
Notice the picture of the jade hawk -- hand-carved, all jade. When I even stopped to admire it, they salespeople assured me that they could ship it to the states. And only ~$10,000 US. Maybe next time….
We were then treated to a tourist’s lunch – a very American-style Chinese meal: Sweet-n-Sour Chicken, Kung Pao Chicken, white rice, hot and sour soup. We’re looking forward to Guiyang and eating more local cuisine.
GREEN TURTLE COWORKERS: Note that Scott is wearing his GT shirt with pride. Not enough pride to wear it to the top of the Great Wall, but pride nonetheless. When our guide found out that Scott is a chef and Melissa is a teacher, she thought this very fortunate for he will be well-educated, well-fed and well-loved.
Five more hours until we get Addison. It’s so exciting, but doesn’t seem real yet. When he’s screaming his head off in the hotel room asking for his mother (which, to him, is his foster mother), I’m sure it’ll sink in. Poor guy has a tough transition ahead of him, but we’ll all see it through together.
We spoke to Cindy and Russ today and found out that Kate is doing quite well in their care. She even had a haircut, which she desperately needed! When Cindy picked her up from school on Friday, she introduced all the kids to her – my girl is coming along with her socialization! The speech is still mostly unintelligible, but it’s getting better. What makes me so happy is that she wants to tell us things and that she continues to try despite the difficulty. Thank you to the Boltons for taking care of our sweet girl!
We go to China For a child A daughter, people assume
We are deeply disturbed at the vastness of girls Abandoned Lost Alone
We love each of these girls Even as we are grateful to adopt just one And we are proud to teach them about Girl power
We want to right the balance We want our girls to know they are not a second choice We want to raise them to be powerful
And many of us believe That boys in China are Little Emperors Adored Indulged Loved beyond belief
Many are.
And yet Should you have the great privilege of visiting an orphanage You will see boys And not just a few
Many, many boys Who perhaps were a second child But, in all sad reality, Were probably abandoned because of some special need
Cleft lip, cleft palate Heart disease Club feet or vision problems Issues that, in the states, Are treatable or at least manageable Issues that, in the states, Would not define them or their lives
And they wait. They wait for a home A family A chance.
Maybe you weren't thinking of A boy Maybe you weren't thinking Special needs
Maybe you were envisioning Your fairy tale And you should never apologize For that
We all have our fairy tale We all have our vision We all have our dreams
But so do these children Be they girls, abdicated to a less than status By the power of culture and tradition Or Be they boys, left to live in an orphanage Left without the same opportunities As their parented peers
When I first dreamed of parenthood It wasn't to an adopted child I dreamed of pregnancy Of womanhood Of giving life
I grieved the loss of that first dream And yet The second dream was not Second best.
Instead of giving birth to a child I gave birth To me.
I became a mother When I began to love I became a mother When I began to whisper sweet goodbyes To the dreams that seemed important So I could listen to the dreams That would not wait.
So today,I ask you to consider a boy Consider a special need Consider that you might be More than you ever thought
We adopted our daughter As a non-special-needs child And her needs have turned out to be vast And global And tiring And rewarding
We adopted through the traditional program Because we couldn't handle special needs Luckily, God knew better
And now, The couple who couldn't handle special needs Has become a family who, through God's grace, can handle Whatever comes its way.
Including a boy. A boy with special needs Who has captured our hearts, Intrigued our minds, And blessed our days already.
And so I ask you again, Consider a boy. Consider that you might be More than what you ever thought.
11 hours until we leave for China -- and we're now packing. :-)
Follow our travel group (we'll be alone in our son's province, but we'll meet with other families from our agency for the second half of our trip): http://www.myladybugjournal.com/MAYCHI.html
To say my stomach is doing flips is a complete understatement....
We had a GREAT IEP meeting to discuss Kate's goals for the next school year. She will be at the same school, in a different program (5 days / week) and will receive FOUR speech therapy sessions, two sessions of occupational therapy, and one session of physical therapy per week. Additionally, she'll be involved in the typical pre-Kindergarten curriculum typical for her age.
It was a productive meeting filled with people who care about our daughter -- we couldn't have asked for a better outcome. We are very grateful that Kate is so loved and her disabilities are understood by bright professionals who take their jobs seriously. Truly, we are blessed.
~Melissa
PS: We have a doctor's appointment with Kate tomorrow with an autism specialist. It's a two-hour appointment, which should be very informative (although probably a bit headache-inducing). After that, it's pack and head for China, baby!
May 24th Arrive Beijing at 1:15pm Visit the Temple of Heaven in the afternoon
May 25th -- ADDISON DAY! (and Scott & Melissa's 11th Wedding Anniversary) Visit the Great Wall Fly from Beijing to Guiyang 5pm - 8pm Meet Addison at 9:30pm!!! We'll be staying at the Ramada Plaza Guiyang.
May 26th Civil Affairs appointment for registration, notary and apply for passport Spend the day getting to know our son. :-)
May 27th Visit and tour Guiyang Children's Welfare Institute (the orphanage) May 28th Frolic with the monkeys at QianLing Park Received a blessing at Hong Fu Si temple
Thank you for all your emails, concerns and prayers. Fortunately, it seems that Addison's province was spared in the earthquakes, although they *may* have felt some of the rumblings. We are very grateful and cannot wait to hold him in our arms.
Please keep the other areas in your prayers, though, as they were not so fortunate.
We're celebrating your third birthday here without you, but know that your foster mother is enjoying these last few days with you. We hope your day is filled with fun, laughter, playtime and hugs.
By the way, your sister said she'd eat your slice of cake today for you. What a gal!
May 28th
